I've not posted for a while, but that doesn't mean that my pile of Shrigley crap has been getting any smaller. Oh no!  I've been adding some choice nuggets, including this helpful enamel sign that I got all the way from the USA, from Paul & Wendy. It's one of a limited run of 100, and a snip at $250!

Not sure whether I should actually put it up outside my house to deter Animal Liberation/ISIS/Real IRA sympathisers, or stick it in a drawer with all my other stuff never to be seen again.

It seems a bit expensive to put outside in the grotty weather, but then, whats the point of it all if I don't actually use this stuff?  What is art actually for anyway?

My god, I've found myself questioning my entire existence with this existential philosophical discourse. Best put Homes Under The Hammer back on and have a cup of tea.

Shrigley playing cards

What a result! I thought I'd lost these - I'd almost given up all hope of ever seeing them again and then they turn up (a little scuffed) at the bottom of a box.

A pack came up for sale on eBay about a year ago but I couldn't bring myself to part with the cash knowing I had a pack somewhere. 

Very happy indeed. I shall now place them in a drawer and not look at them for another 3 years. 

Man in a Room - a teeny tiny booklet

Is this the smallest book I own? It comes in a tiny little poly bag, that I am embarrassed to say has never been opened. So I've never even read the fucking thing... it could be completely full of blank pages for all I know.

The curse of the anally retentive. 

Exhibition Catalogue for Shrig's show at the Center of Curational Studies Museum, New York in 2001

This book/exhibition catalogue arrived this morning from the internet.

It's the exhibition catalogue for a show that DS did in 2001 that first appeared at Center of Curational Studies Museum at Bard College, New York, and then it moved to the UCLA Hammer Museum, University of California, LA in early 2002.

The book contains introductions by Amada Cruz and Russell Ferguson. I've just had a quick scan through it and there's a few old favourites in there, including some fornicating dogs.

Awesome cassette from Already Dead Tapes, with Iain Shaw

I don't own a tape deck. I haven't even got one in the car anymore, so this cassette has never been played. However, you can hear the whole thing online here.

	1.	Singer 00:14
	2.	Dinosaur Egg 02:20
	3.	Joy 00:48
	4.	One 02:07
	5.	Truce 00:53
	6.	Show Me 01:18
	7.	Awesome 00:24

This cassette was released by Already Dead Tapes in two editions - the first edition of 100 (which is the one I've got) has a white cassette, whilst the second edition was a shorter run of 50, with a clear cassette.

There's one on eBay at the moment. It's quite a rare object - I've never seen one pop up for sale before, so if you want one, you need to get your arse in gear.

'Don't Say The Word Shit' box of 110 Matches

A triangular box of 110 matches, produced for American hipster website and emporium of sweary/cute shite, Blue Q. 

This is the only object I've ever bought from Blue Q. It cost me $5 plus about $35 postage to the UK.

Blue Q are mostly notable for adding me to their emailing list and sending me shitloads of impenetrable marketing emails full of pointless products - with astonishing regularity.

If I ever want a fridge magnet with an 'ironic' picture of a Japanese girl's arsecheeks on it, or some hand sanitiser snappily titled 'Maybe you touched your genitals' I know exactly where to go. 

Can of Worms enamel pin badge

I cannot remember where I got this worm badge from.

Whilst searching whether anybody was selling one on Ebay, I found loads of people selling their childhood button badge collections. My favourite was this selection of 11 Building Society badges from what looks like the early eighties.

Buy them now for less than a fiver. Relics from a more innocent age, when we were proud to say we were 'With The Woolwich'.

Here are some facts about my worm badge that I can be certain of;

• It's made of enamel.
• It has never been worn. 
• It is still in its original cellophane packet. 
• It's got a horrible font on the packaging.

I think I've got a second of these badges in a bag somewhere. However, like my unopened pack of Shrigley playing cards, I know I own 'em, but I haven't seen 'em in frigging ages.

Maybe I'll find 'em when I move.

Bank card holder for Orange

A very topical Shrigley artefact, what with all that Brazilian writhing and swooning in the penalty box. 

This funny little bit of plastic was produced as a promotional bank card holder for mobile phone company Orange in 2004. I have no idea what it's relevance to a mobile phone contract might be, but it's very useful for administering admonishments whilst demonstrating a cursory knowledge of the rules of football.

I own one of these that is in perfectly pristine condition, and a second that has been exposed to sunlight and some sort of chemical, and then scrunched up in a drawer. I like them both.

Shrigley Letraset

I bought these from the online art shop/gallery Third Drawer Down in Australia. Got myself a spare too! 

I particularly like the kangaroo and the pointy headed turnip looking ones. I can now create an authentic looking Shrigley on my pencil case.

Third Drawer have a fair bit of unusual Shrigley stuff, and they are also the home of the David Shrigley branded condom. Mr Shrigley joins an illustrious list, including Neymar (Brazilian colours and Caphirina flavoured), Swedish DJ Avicii (a snug fit, apparently) and  and  Simon Cowell hell-spawn JLS (Just Love Safe), all lucky enough to have their own brand nodders.

I think there are still a few of these transfer sheets kicking about - I saw one on eBay not so long ago, though the condoms are probably all gone by now. If anybody has an (unused) one they'd like to donate, I'd be very happy to give it pride of place.

Blank page and other pages

A good little book, this one. One of only 500 ever printed too. I had a quick look to see if there were any for sale anywhere, and Amazon Marketplace has two used copies for sale! 

One is a tenner and the other is £399. I don't understand the internet sometimes.

Transport for London - Platform Art Poster

Transport For London commissioned a series of artists to design little freebie hand-out tube map leaflets (of which I've got a few) They also produced a range of poster versions that they sold through their shop. I think they've sold out of this one now.

The poster is a really awkward aspect ratio - very tall and quite thin. The poster cost a tenner. Getting it properly bespoke framed cost about ten times that. Cheers TFL.

However, I love this poster, - you can tell it is designed by someone who doesn't live in London, for people who don't live in London and haven't got a clue where they are going.

Anti-psychotic tea

David Shrigley's 'How are You Feeling?' 2012 exhibition at the Cornerhouse Manchester triggered lots of lots of little events around a number of sites in Manchester, including cafe/bar Teacup.

Teacup stocked a limited edition tea blend to coincide with the exhibition, created by DS and Manchester based artist curator Mike Chavez-Dawson. There were 200 limited edition hand- numbered boxes of tea, so I had to schlep over to Manchester to get myself a couple, and also to have a cuppa - which I am pleased to say immediately silenced the voices in my head and replaced them with birdsong.

I've got two of these boxes. They're getting near their use-by date, and will probably send you completely nuts if you should attempt to drink them.  Disgusting with milk.

Castles Made of Sand : Four Tet (7" vinyl)

Mister Shrigley has also done lots of artwork for records, spoken word recordings and a few songs too, including the B Side for this 7" Four Tet from Late Night Tales (taken from Shrigley's 'Forced To Speak With Others LP).

'Don'ts' is a very sensible list of things you might want to avoid - including valuable instructions regarding whether or not you should shut your eyes whilst driving, pretend to be a doctor, stab people with old syringes or make your own fireworks. Hear here.

The A side is a load of unlistenable bollocks... sorry, an elegiac ambient reworking of Jimi Hendrix's Castles Made of Sand. You can listen to it here and make your own mind up.

Only one of 1000 copies! Is that a lot? I have no idea.

Drink The Music

This is probably the most expensive mug that I've ever seen. I think I might have paid a bit over the odds on this one, but it's such a rare bit of Shrig that I couldn't help myself.

These were produced for Glasgow's finest proper record shop Monorail Music - as far as I know only 100 were ever made. Mine has been used only once - for a nice drop of Pouilly Fume.

To my knowledge, it has never, ever contained a cup of tea/coffee/other hot drink.

the bottom.

1st Edition Heroin & Cocaine Cruet Set. Don't put your drugs in them - it's a bit too obvious.

These might look like any old David Shrigley Heroin and Cocaine salt and pepper shakers, but they are a better class of cruet.

These are the porcelain first edition ones made in Limoges, France in 2000, not the 2008 UK ones that come in a box that you can buy here.

I think they are slightly different in other ways too, but I'm not sure exactly.

Staffordshire? Pottery? It'll never catch on.

The first Shrigley I ever bought...

'Do not bend' (published by Redstone Press in 2001) is classic Shrig, and the first book of his that I got my hands on.

It contains a selection of pigeons that Timmy the squirrel has fucked. The cutest being an adorable specimen called Little Miss Turd-eater.

Also, if you ignore the instructions and bend the book, you get a extra little treat up the spine.